Boy Child

I am thrilled to have a second today to post about my sweet boy child, Collin. Collin just started the third grade at school. He is growing up and is not my little boy anymore, but I do love the big boy his is growing into! He has a great sense of humor; he is very sensitive; he has some hilarious and great dance moves; he is amazing with Kami; he is an amazing soccer player; and most importantly, Collin loves the Lord. What a great catch for future ladies, hu?! :)

Collin has reading homework daily. He often chooses the Bible to read as a nonfiction choice. It is so awesome to see the things he writes down about what he learned from his daily reading assignment. Collin and one of his best friends, Andrew, were separated this year. They have been in the same classroom at school for both first and second grades in addition to being in groups together at church. These two boys are so sweet! John and Andrew's dad grew up together, so it is especially endearing to watch Collin and Andrew's friendship. Needless to say, the moms were disappointed that the boys will not be in the same class this year. I try to trust God with all my kids' school placements because I have prayed over them each year, and I know that God hears those prayers. It occurred to me the other day that perhaps God needed to spread His word and love out a bit more...I am holding to that as the reason for Collin and Andrew's separation! The disciples didn't get to always stick together, right?

Collin has been enjoying spending time with our cousin Magan who is beginning her freshman year at UK. These two have always been close, and I am thankful to have her nearby now. With her starting college, Collin has begun pondering his future college choices. He relayed a sweet conversation to me the other day about his thoughts. Collin and his best bud Joshua were talking about college and where they might each go. They decided between UK and Asbury. Joshua informed Collin that they probably wouldn't have any classes together at UK because it is so large, but he thinks they would probably have class together if they both choose Asbury. How sweet is that for an 8 year old boys' conversation! I can't wait to see how the Lord uses these two boys!

I have to give Collin a shout out for his patience and love. Kami has been quite the challenge in many ways. She and Collin have definately adopted typical sibling roles. He wants to be a leader figure to her, but she thinks she is as old and as smart as he is and does not like being bossed by him. She has been quite a terror to him at times: wrecking beloved Lego structures, sneaking around in his room, refusing to let him look out her side of the car window, and even leaving some pretty bad bite marks on his arms! He shows her great compassion and grace. He keeps loving her with total abandon, despite her behavior. Last night, I so enjoyed watching him play Candyland with her. We had tried it earlier in the day, but little Ms. was not cooperating, so we had to put the game away. Collin stepped up and offered to play with her again later that night. He did such a marvelous job of teaching her how to play. His loving manner and encouraging words were truly an inspiration to me!

Thank you, Lord, for my sweet Boy Child!!!!

miracles from the mouth of my middle schooler

Mallory is entering 6th grade this year---Middle School, Youth Group, brushing her hair all the time, hormones, spending time behind a closed door more often, embarrassed of walking with her mom in public---6th grade. I say all this with tongue in cheek, because, actually, she is such an awesome young woman! I am sooo proud of her, and I hope to keep her covered in prayer and help guide her to stay strong in the Lord and know who she is in Him.

Today, I was driving Mallory to her Middle School orientation. We had a few rare moments of alone time in the car. We discussed the Youth Group cookout that she had attended the previous night. Mallory told me about the devotional that they did. Their Bible passage was about the Prodigal Son, and they took time to reflect on their earthly fathers and then on Father God. One question that they were asked is 'how have you been let down or disappointed by your dad?' I could have burst into thankful tears when Mal told me that she could think of nothing to put in those blanks because she has never felt let down by her daddy. Is that incredible? It sure is to me! I am blown away with gratefulness! Thank You Lord!!!!

How many people would say they have never been disappointed in their earthly father? We spend enormous amounts of time listing all the ways that our fathers (mothers, teachers, leaders, etc.) fail us. We are adults! Here in my car, living under my roof, in the middle of Tween Hwy. en route to Teenage City, is this precious child telling me she has never been disappointed in her daddy! People, I experienced a miracle today! Now, I am sure that there will be future moments when Mallory does feel disappointed by Daddy (me, society, teachers, etc.), but I am choosing to treasure this miracle in my heart.

I am so very thankful that Mallory isn't bogged down in blame like the majority of our society! I am so very thankful that I am married to a man who is such a good daddy! I am so very thankful for my Heavenly Father who is faithful and whose path for us is beyond all the goodness we could ever plan for our own lives.

Oh, and I am also thankful for the delicious bite of a cookie that my sweet Mallory just cooked and brought to me! Yum! Hey, maybe the teenage years won't be so bad!

I was a good mom...

God is so good to put people and information in your life just when you need it! I have been 'exposed' to much info from the moment we began the adoption process. Our process went so quickly that during the whole paperchase and even for most of the first year home, I have just been trying to keep my head above water. The fog has been lifting. I will think it has lifted all the way, then time will pass, and I can see that God is good and merciful to only 'lift the fog' as I am able to handle what I can see. It reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures, 1 Corinthians 13:12.
"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." God fully knows. God fully knows! I cannot completely wrap my brain around that, but I can rest in that. I can trust that one day, I will see it all as He saw it and planned it from the beginning. God is soooo cool!

I cannot say enough about the wonderful things I have been soaking in lately from the Empowered to Connect website. Although it can be messy stuff, it is so refreshing to find that there are others out there who have felt the same way I have been feeling. The following are some excerpts from a blog post that rang so true to me!

"When Russ and I embarked on our adoption journey, we did it with some sense of confidence. We were experienced parents with seven children who seemed to be thriving under our care. We wanted to serve God and, since we were in the thick of raising children, it made sense to expand our parenting to include children who needed families. Besides, we really, really loved kids and it brought joy to our hearts to consider adding more to our family.
At that time, I had been a mother for nineteen years. It was long enough to have made loads of mistakes, but to have overcome many obstacles as well. I was nowhere near being a perfect mother, but I was a “good mom” and I felt pretty confident that my skills, my desire to live for Christ, and my heart for children would carry me through any challenges that would come our way.
Before we even arrived home from Ethiopia with our children, we knew that our lives had shifted in a dramatic way and that we were in for a struggle. Jesus is merciful, however, and we only saw the very tip of a large iceberg. We believe He gave us all that we could bear to know at the time out of His love for us and for our children.
As the months passed and we struggled to parent our children, our belief in ourselves as “good parents” began to fade. Should we press on with the parenting techniques that had served us well for so many years? In the face of so many challenges, which problems should we focus on first? Was it okay to let behaviors that had never been allowed in our home to be accepted now? Should we read more books on adoption? Should we call somebody? Should we keep quiet and hope that nobody would notice that we were falling apart? What should we do?
We didn’t know the answers, but one thing we did know: we were no longer the parents we used to be and as all of our children struggled, we no longer felt like “good parents” at all.
As we travel the long and winding road of healing, I’ve had to redefine what I believe a “good mom” is. I accept that because I fiercely love all of my children, I must parent them differently. Some things I once held as my standard of “good mothering” no longer fit. I grieve these losses, I really do, and I miss the simple days when I thought I knew what it took to be a good mom.
I now have the privilege of knowing many “good moms” who have been reshaped by their experiences of parenting When we adopted our four children, we knew it would be challenging, but we were confident in our ability to help these new little ones. We had years of parenting experience under our belts, and for heaven’s sake, I even had a degree in Psychology from a Christian university. Surely we could handle anything that came our way. We were wrong.
If you find that life with children from 'hard places' has become more than you can bear, I urge you to get help. Don’t wait as long as we did; seek help early. I can say with conviction that it is worth it — it is absolutely worth it.
As Christians we are called to love others, even the very unlovely. Jesus told us that we must lay down our lives to follow Him and if He has called us to the ministry of adoption, then we must lay down our lives for the sake of our children. We must be willing to follow His leading as we seek help for our children even if it comes at a high price to us."

Lisa Qualls, who wrote this post, has been married to her husband Russ for over 26 years. They have 11 children who came to them by both birth and adoption. She earnestly believes in the power of God to heal children’s broken hearts and is privileged to participate in the process with her own children. Lisa writes about her life and family for Empowered to Connect (www.empoweredtoconnect.org) and on her blog, A Bushel and A Peck (www.onethankfulmom.com).


Wow! Even as I read it again, I can't believe how true all of this is for me too! That gives me hope; hope in knowing that just because I am not the same mom does not mean that God cannot still equip me to be a good mom! He called us to this, and He will equip us. I first must stomp on some pride, and admit that what worked before will not necessarily work now. It is also hard on my pride when I have to seek help from others who are parenting children from 'hard places' much more gracefully than I am. Thankfully, however, God has provided me with an incredible support group, and I am only strong when I admit my weaknesses and lean into Him and His provision. Another pride battle comes when I am faced with well intentioned advice from those who don't believe my adopted child should be struggling when she now has such a good life. I used to believe this myself. I used to want to discipline this stuff out of her. No one else could change my mind, and I will not be able to change their minds. And so I must learn how to most gracefully handle and connect with my precious girl, even when she is acting in a less than precious manner. I must learn to parent for an audience of One. I must learn to parent the way He parents me--for my best and to bring Him glory!

Long Time, No Post

It has been way too long, a ridiculously long break since I last posted. We are still here! I have started to post many times, but two things have stopped me. The first, and more trivial reason, I don't love the way my blog looks. I am not extremely computer/technically efficient. I could figure out how to make everything all cute and inviting, but I have not found the motivation. No motivation to beautify blog=No motivation to post on blog. The second, and real underlying reason, is that I have been overwhelmed! I hate to share that in public. I NEVER EVER want to give adoption a bad name, and so I have just chosen to share nothing.

I will begin by saying loud and clear so no one will get the wrong idea--I DO NOT REGRET ANYTHING!!!! Please never assume that a rocky road is one that I would avoid. We love Kami to pieces. She holds the same place in our hearts as Mallory and Collin. We would not change a thing. There is my disclaimer; now I feel like I can explain my overwhelmed state.

Kamise has transitioned very well. She has picked up on the language so well it is ridiculous. I really think she may be a genius, no really,and not just because I am her mom. Kami, Collin, and Mallory have adjusted like any normal siblings, with lots of love and a big dose of sibling rivalry and frustration. John and I have remained stumped on many levels... all of our awesome parenting strategies and wisdom (tongue in cheek) are not as successful in parenting Kamise as they were in parenting our older two.

It has just been a long year, and we are realizing that despite the easy initial transition, that Kami is having some attachment/trauma related issues afterall. This is in addition to me having severe back pain this year, John getting a new job, and Mallory hitting the tween years at full force. Goodness, I sound like I am complaining. Hear my heart, I am not...just being real and transparent.

I have included our celebration video in order to do just that--to celebrate. For all the tears and frustration, there have been double blessings and laughter. My mom is certain that I have added years to my life this year since laughter is healthy. We have certainly had our share of wonder and laughter as we have become a family of five!

Those are all of my words for now. I plan to be better about posting and to continue being transparent about our ups and downs...I just need to process and be able to give my thoughts and emotions the appropriate and adequate expression.